From the Cheap Seats: Those Freakin’ Bay Staters…

June 13, 2012

CRIMINALIZING THE F-BOMB: Next time you visit Middleborough and have a hankering for a freakin’ lobstuh, you better ask nicely

WTF??? Is up in Middleborough, Mass?

Middleborough, in case you a$!hats haven’t heard, passed an ordinance that would put a civic curse on public cursing.

Yep, the town council on Monday evidently decided to give the cops the ability to drop a $20 ticket on anyone dropping an F-bomb in public.

And boy oh boy, was the debate contentious.

As the Taunton Daily Gazette reported, city fathers “took longer to pass a $20 cussing fine Monday night than [they] did to pass a $72 million budget.”

The nerve of those Wicked Massholes!

No immediate word on how that might play out in the local softball tournaments. (Oh, I say, ump, how is it that you are able to breathe with that cranial-rectal inversion from which you seem to be suffering?)

Also no word on whether it might affect the fishery business, but if you wanted a freakin’ lobstuh, you better ask nicely.

Also no word on exactly how ordinance would play out vis-a-vis the First Amendment.

Oh sure, Massachusetts looks pretty kindly on Hahvahd types claiming to be American Indians, and therefore qualified to be senators, on the basis of something their grandmas may or may not have actually said while dandling them on their f@#$in’ knees, but there seems to be a limit, at least in Middleborough.

The First Amendment, of course, was intended to protect political speech, which shouldn’t necessarily require a string of vulgarities, profanities or curses.

Of course, Middleborough isn’t looking at restraining political speech — at least not yet.  No, this move seems to be aimed at giving certain people, some might call them bluenoses, the ability to hammer pottymouths who get on their oh-so sensitive nerves.

Maybe it’s a blow for common decency, maybe it’s an unnecessary restraint on speech.

The notion of federalism suggests that perhaps we should let Middleborough test things out. Better yet, maybe we should let some other place give it a shot.

We can’t wait to see what happens if it becomes illegal to use the f-word in Intercourse, Pa.

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