From the Cheap Seats: Olympic Warming

August 3, 2012
By

The Climate Reality Project, an Al Gore venture run by Senator Mark Udall’s wife Maggie Fox, says that the focus of global warming is in London, where the Olympic Games happen to be going on.

The perpetual whining machine that is the conspiracy of global warming crazies is wringing its hands and saying that world record performances at the Olympic Games in London will be hard to come by because of, you guessed it, global warming.

The Climate Reality Project, an Al Gore venture run by Senator Mark Udall’s wife Maggie Fox, says that the focus of global warming is in London, where the Olympic Games happen to be going on.

Demonstrating unparalleled astuteness, the CRP (insert “A” as you see fit) first found that London was subject to a “bizarre” rainy beginning of the summer.

Evidently the CRP was unaware that Londoners are famous for carrying umbrellas as protection against “bizarre” rains that happen with remarkable frequency, rendering them, in the minds of most people, something other than bizarre.

Then the CRP has found that the London summer is hot. As opposed to winter, apparently, which is cold.

These are the penetrating insights we have come to expect from the CRP.

The whining goes on about the heat: “That’s unwelcome news if you’re competing outside — especially if your event involves, say, running 26.2 miles.”

It’s called the “marathon,” moron, and the first guy to do it dropped dead when he finished, which was long before the advent of SUV’s by the way. If only the Greeks were still that tough.

Oh, pity the swimmers, the CRP continues. Funny, though, it’s not as though global warming has altered the chemical composition of water.  Nor are there sharks in the pools – though that would undoubtedly add some spice to the events.  But somehow we’re expected to believe that “global warming” or “climate change,” depending on the whim or whine of the day, has affected Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps, who by the way is now the most decorated American Olympian of all time.

Now that, friends, is a real record.

Eat that, Communist China.

And you guys in the pile of CRP, really, try to find honest work, willya?

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