From the Cheap Seats: Nationalize the Twinkie?

November 19, 2012
By

Is a Twinkie bailout in the offing? Cheap Seats isn’t sure.

ObamaWorld is dealing with irreconcilable realities. One is the call, such as it is, for the federal government to nationalize the Twinkie, which as we know, became an endangered species last week when Hostess Brands told a bankruptcy judge, “Screw it, we’re going out of business.”

The reason for that, of course, was Hostess no longer saw any point in dealing with the Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers International Union after the union told management to take its plans to emerge from Chapter 11 bankruptcy and stick them where the Ding Dongs don’t chime .

Its long been axiomatic that government can’t force a business to operate, but Hostess is going to prove the point, which is a good thing.

When news broke that Twinkies were bound for extinction, the White House hosted a petition on its “We the People” petition site calling for Obama to “immediately Nationalize the Twinkie industry and prevent our nation from losing her sweet creamy center.”

The petition was filed under the site’s “civil rights and liberties” and “human rights” categories, leading Cheap Seats to wonder what else falls under “human rights?” A universal right of all people to bacon?

We can only hope.

At any rate, we have to wonder what the other side of the Obama administration is thinking about all this backstage manipulation to keep the Twinkie alive.  Aren’t we all supposed to be groveling at the altar of weight loss and “Let’s Move?”  Haven’t school bake sales been outlawed in the name of reducing obesity?

In a rational world, can the Twinkie and “Let’s Move” coexist?

Maybe The Obamas will take over the Twinkie business indirectly – What’s the point of crony capitalism if you can’t count on a crony to take one for the team and buy Hostess’ assets, then move them offshore? – and have the Agriculture Department declare Twinkies a health food in need of price supports.

That way the union continues collecting campaign money, Obama gets to pander to consumers, a crony will get some cash and the Twinkie business will be “saved,” just like General Motors, and cardiologists everywhere will celebrate.

Taxpayers “saved” GM for$55 a share, by the way. It’s trading now below $24.

That’s how they think in ObamaWorld. Maybe we should call it “Twinkie-think” for defiance of reality – economic and digestive.

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