From the Cheap Seats: Purging Interior’s Heretics

August 6, 2013
By
Jewell told employees last month, “I hope there are no climate change deniers in the Department of Interior”

Jewell told employees last month, “I hope there are no climate change deniers in the Department of Interior”

Sally Jewell has removed any doubt. When she was confirmed as the Secretary of the Interior, she also became a high priestess of the Church of Global Warming and she evidently sees her main function as  a defender of the faith.

That means, of course, that it’s her job to identify and purge heretics.

Jewell talked in late July to Interior employees and laid down the religious law: “I hope there are no climate change deniers in the Department of Interior.”

And if there are, well, they would be rejecting a “moral imperative” to deal with climate change.  And we know what happens to heretics who reject so-called “moral imperatives.”

Nonbelievers, Jewell told the employees, should go out into the woods.

“If you don’t believe in it, come out into the resources,”  Jewell told the employees.

Just ask Galileo, who recanted his observation that the earth circles the sun (not vice versa), but nonetheless insisted that simplistic beliefs could not alter reality.

“And yet it moves,” Galileo is reputed to have said, referring to the earth.

Galileo cut his deal in 1633, which shows that Interior, under Jewell’s leadership, is at least sticking with the classics.

Comments made by visitors are not representative of The Colorado Observer staff.

2 Responses to From the Cheap Seats: Purging Interior’s Heretics

  1. Peter Piccone
    August 6, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    I love planet earth as much as High Priestess Sally Jewell. I contend that she is remiss in her beliefs and should thus be held accountable for her sins. Any fool true believer knows that all fossil fuels are the Devil’s handiwork. The simple fact that they are responsible for the greatest advancements of this cancerous human race is proof enough. Instead of the ultimate elimination of this deadly parasite, fossil fuels have provided for humanities comforts and extended lifespans. But what does Sally do about the greatest rape of Mother Earth’s surface… Agriculture. Not a word about rounding up and punishing the rapist farmers who scrape and rip dear Mother’s flesh. They plunge iron into her body extracting her blood in the form of water to nourish their captive plant slaves and the creatures the humans eagerly consume.

    Sally should be taken into the center of the desert to wander alone for 40 days and 40 nights only then to return to us a true,true believer. Or better yet, left to discover that Mother Earth doesn’t give a shit about her.

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