From the Cheap Seats: Green Lobby Grinches

December 9, 2013
By
Greenpeace is threatening to cancel Christmas

YOU’RE A FOUL ONE:  Greenpeace is threatening to cancel Christmas

Downton Abbey is a “w” short and it seems the butler likewise comes up a bit short. Jim Carter, who plays the butler, Carson, on Downton Abbey, is doing the full Grinch for the holiday season.

Seems that Carter has turned himself, as Adweek puts it, into “one intensely unhinged Santa.”  And if we’re talking “unhinged,” then you know that global warming has to be involved.

Sure enough, Carter’s deranged Santa — Think the Grinch with a brain 10 sizes too small — goes on an epic, if wholly incoherent rant.

“Dear children, regrettably I bring bad tidings,” Carter moans, “Melting ice here at the North Pole has made our operations and our day-to-day life intolerable and impossible, and there may be no alternative but to cancel Christmas.”

Our faux Santa has even written to President Obama (and perhaps more effectively Vladimir Putin) with some incomprehensible plea about cooling the planet.

“Sadly, my letters have been met with indifference. Needless to say, these individuals are now at the top of my naughty list,” says evil Santa.

Well, at least Carter knows what it’s like to be an American wanting to get Obama’s attention.

Be that as it may, as Cindy Lou Who might say, Carter’s Santa is full of it.

The North Pole is anything other than shrinking.

The Arctic ice cap grew 29 percent in 2013.

That’s 533,00 square miles, enough for more than a few elf sweat shops, or almost enough to contain the vastness that is Carter’s climactic ignorance.

Why, it’s enough to put Carter on the naughty list, not that Cheap Seats was under the impression that Carter was in line for anything but a lump of clean, low sulfur coal anyway.

And not that Carter would appreciate it. He’s the kind who would pull a full bag of toys to the edge and shove them without hesitation push them off the precipice.

At least Dr. Seuss’ Grinch gave up his pretenses and changed  his ways.

Cheap Seats thinks that’s likely beyond Cater’s limited capacity.

But we’ll hope for a Christmas miracle nonetheless.

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