From the Cheap Seats: EPA Hires ‘Bessie’ the Cow

April 1, 2014

The Obama administration has an udderly brilliant idea — on par with jabbing one’s hands in bucket of ice water setting out to milk a bull.

President Barack Obama’s Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) is going to corral emissions of methane from the dairy industry.

Yes, Bessie the milk cow is a four-legged, continuing climate catastrophe. Just ask

the Chicago kids who call Obama “Hoss.”

Obama’s EPA has studied the situation and the Future Farmhands of K Street have it all figured out.

It turns out that Bessie is a methane machine that pumps out – you should pardon the term — 100 to 200 liters of methane a day.

And methane, as Cheap Seats is endlessly hearing, is a greenhouse gas 20 TIMES more potent than carbon dioxide.

That’s what it says in the Kyoto Protocol anyway, and even Cheap Seats knows that the Kyoto Protocol is as deeply revered as Obama’s famed red line. It’s there, way, way back there, behind Putin and Assad …

Speaking of those two, Cheap Seats is guessing that Obama has figured out that it’s a lot easier to intimidate Bessie than Vladimir. Especially when he’s already gone out of his way to let Putin know he’s waaaay more flexible than a rubber-jointed limbo dancer.

Cheap Seats figures that Obama has a stupendous plan to suit cattle with backpacks      fitted with hoses leading to the front and rear of the animal.

Exactly how Bessie is to feed, and uh, void? Details, details.

Maybe President Gumby should consult with hard-core westerners like Mr. Maggie Fox, aka Sen. Mark Udall, and those grizzled wranglers from rough-and-tumble Boulder, where they’re so tough they serve the Chardonnay unchilled and the caviar on crusty toast points.

Once he nails down that advice, he’ll be ready and Cheap Seats can hardly wait for Obama to take to national television to tell us how eager he is to claim victory over greenhouse gases and tell the nation to take a deep, cleansing breath of his fresh dairy air.

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One Response to From the Cheap Seats: EPA Hires ‘Bessie’ the Cow

  1. Bob Terry
    April 6, 2014 at 10:33 am

    Maybe they can Retro-fit Air Force One to burn this source of gas. Look at the money he’d save..


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